The Bitch?

Today my college had its annual fun fair. Which was a pretty successful. But An expression from a guy made me realize something v substantial. I am a total guy-repellant. I say the meanest things. I said the mean things defensively but then i did score some minus points for being such big mouthed. Where can i blame this attitude of mine my parents failed marriage or vaibhav deshpande and the epic heart break? Well after my fun fair i met my friends. Nargis revealed all of us were single in 5 years of our friendship. It wasn't a matter of celebration but we cut a cake anyway! . My friends too have had horrible breakups why aren't they guy repellent. Why Can't i control my big mouth!!! .. I have done something horrible too. I hope i don't get into trouble for that! . . Do people change? OR am i destined to be this crazy- big- mouthed- guy- repellant- stupid woman- who- ends -up- with- her- lonely- house? This is not the person i wanted to be.. I feel like i have a whole lot of pent up sins which my karma is going to screw me for. When and where did i cross the line..
When did i forget to keep my feet firmly grounded.

the cupid sim card!

Today was a v. hectic yet fun filled day. In college it was our traditional day. We had a seminar where college showed us a documentary. I reached home early and decided to go to the dance class. After the dance class i wandered around looking for food. Mom said there was no tea-time naashta at home and well i was starving. I found a sandwich wala and decided to get a couple of sandwiches for me mum and kuku. As the sandwich wala took his own sweet time to prepare my sandwiches i noticed a few things.
1. cute couples
2. cute couples holding hands
3. cute couples holding hands and immersed in each other
:\
i have gone mad! ..
It was the same lane where vaibhav and i met during the Airtel sim card* phase.

Airtel sim card phase: This was the phase where vaibhav deshpande was persistent that i give up vodafone and take up airtel. So it was easier for us to talk all night :P . I wasn't his girlfriend also! .. the cutest thing was i lost the sim card (genuinely and not myfault) like a 100 times . So every time we had to meet at the santacruz harbour wala bridge and walk all the way to west wala airtel gallery. No matter how ridiculous it seems to me now. It was somewhat silly n cute.
Every day is a attempt to get over this guy.
I know someday i will ! .

No matter what i do, i'll always be invisible to him.

Reached my limit.

Today was his birthday. I wished him .

I spent the entire month thinking about how i should be strong and let this day go. But i somehow coudn't resist. Since when did i become such a sadist? Why am i leeching on the pain and tears. The cycle seems never ending. He hurts me. I cry. I cry some more. He never has never will care. Why do human beings get attracted to senseless pain. Are we all suckers for drama. Or am i a sucker for drama. When will i untie myself from this crazy phase. Why am i knowingly subjecting myself to this kind of torture. I wish i less impulsive. But i guess i do not regret doing what i did. I have finally crossed the threshold. Intense pain is necessary for healthy metamorphosis in life. Guess, i had to walk over this bump in order to rip off the old me into a new me!. .. Lets see what genre of book my life would make! ...

trust-no-trust?

TOday i finally went to bandra to get my dye-positive printed for my saree. I have worked so hard for this saree.. it better turn out to be good. Anyways as i was loitering around in bandra pinning my hopes on finding a cheap printer wala. Anyways after getting my hopes shattered at ollwyn ( i still think it should be Allwyn) anyways i went to another shop where my work was done in under 200 buckS! . Since i had plenty of spare cash remaining to decided to trod over to bandra to do some shopping. I was trying to find a auto when a lady came over to me and offered me a ride. The car-ride was so good :) she told me all sort of things, gyan on why i shoudn't take help from random strangers. And which college i am in. etc etc . She dropped me near globus and it was all fine. i roamed brought new chappals for college and a t-shirt which was horribly wrong! While coming back from bandra i got the bus 384 about which the lady informed me. After this i reached santacruz and got my tiny little 619! isn't it wonderful! It got me thinking maybe the world isn't that bad! once in a while magical things do happen. Guess its wiser to keep trusting after all!

friends for life?

I Have always been amazed by my ability for being receptive to criticism. Isn't it weird that we always get really really obsessed about something bad that is being said about us. There are people who will always talk bad about you. No matter how hard you try. Our close friends, really close ones alwayss!!! ALWAYS. :| know what you are doing wrong with you life. As in the traits you need to work on.. or where you need to stop. Your potentials. Demerits. etc
Why is it then tat we hardly voice our opinions unless our friend is really desperate!
Are we scared of scarring the relationship or are we being cowardly and selfish by not voicing our opinions. Are we just supposed to accept and adjust with the permanent attitude of this particular friend or should we try and do something .. so that it doesn't hurt them in the long run.
Does true friendship mean accepting you friends with their flaws .. or is it when you try to help them improve their flaws?
Are we supposed to accept it when your friend does innumerable things that bother you. Or is it just that every person has a different personality and one single person can't have it all.

Life wouldn't be so difficult if we did not have flaws..
Should friends be the ones to give you a reality check?
Or should everyone just be mum and let life happen? !

wedding... really?

Yesterday i went to my first catholic wedding as a intellect thinking adult.
Here are my observations:
1. That on the wedding day .... atleast when the guy sings 'baby your my angel' and looks into the girls eyes.. okay that's where you can see love.
2. The groom kissed the bride for like ever!!!.. and choti ladki kissed me for like 2 secs :|
3. The chemistry between lovers is so unreal.. i was almost jealous!
4. Even though there were tons of hot guys i coudn't take my eyes off the couple... they seemed so much in love.. they were into each other the entire time.. could this be real! :\
5. marriage .. stands for security and for the fact that you have some1 .. always.
6. A guy will always be there to hold you hand..

Will i ever find a guy who loves me irrespective of all my flaws... !
Do i really want to get married. at the cost of giving up my freedom...

DO happy marriages still exist?

the sweetest thing!!

I decided to re-visit some old memories today. I signed into my orkut account to browse through the older times.. words and things.. guess what i came across.! a handwritten testimonial from "the guy" .. apparently its the only sweetest thing he ever did for me. And we were not even dating that time.. anyways .. felt nice to see it... how times change..
now he would die before talking to me.

sex and the city??

I am obsessed with the television show sex and the city. Till date i have downloaded like 3 seasons of the show. Im hooked!. Well i can't run home to watch the episodes again and again. The reason i love this show is pretty obvious.
1. This show is like a bible for anthropologists! seriously it has serious insights into the female brain!
2. i could (god know what lies in future) but i could never get laid that much :\
3. Its my secret goal that i want to be as thin and fabulous looking like them when im in 34s/40s.
4. It gives me a lot of insight into men. Its not like i have dated a huge army .. just that id like to know what the rivals are like in reality.
5. Well and the other tiny thing is that .. i think choti ladki aka the love of my life aka the asshole who ruined my life is. ..well err BIG. :| .. whatever ! ...
6. Also i think samantha is really unrealistic.. i mean in india.. im pretty sure i'd never meet a woman that free i could put it as promiscuous but hey ! its samantha we're talking about!
7. In mumbai no matter how beautiful i become i'd never find so many dates. (seriously after what vaibhav did to my self-confidence i'd be lucky if i ever find a date :|).
8. I have become convinced that no matter how talented, smart , beautiful a woman is there will always be a guy who will treat her like total crap. ... (this is from personal experience..
9. all our life we look for soul mates .. but hey they are right in front of you all the time .. you girlfriends!! ... perry, usshe, nupar, nadde r people who are always there for me !! no matter what....

I hope to have a sensible relationship someday!! :\ .. im not pinning my hopes on that though...
i'll find a sperm donor someday and i'll be rich and i won't need a husband!!! ..
bye for now :)

the cult movie that coudn't be.

I watched rockstar today. The much anticipated movie. it released today 11.11.11 . The movie was different not something you expected out of bollywood. Ranbir kapoor has yet again proved that he has acting skills. His passion for acting overshadows his otherwise yucky personality. Nargis fakri was eye-candy and nothing more. The story was a plain old (non-existent unreliastic love story). The passion that the character jordan had was an inspiration to me. The bold crazy fun loving character of heer works well. I am not a big fan of ranbir kapoor but must say , this guy is going to give the older actors a run for their money. He is after all the prince charming of bollywood. Imtiaz ali has done a good job. I liked all his movies bdw. Also for the music, it seemed enchanting. At first i never understood why mohit chauhan sung for ranbir i felt his voice never suited ranbir. But, then rahman's unconventional soundtrack and non-slang-hindi lyrics do the trick! It took time for the music and the lyrics to sink in, but i guess im a fan. However i did wonder why none of the hardcore indian bands were approached for making the music of rockstar it is after all a rock' movie..right? ... Anyways that could be expected out of anurag kashyap and not imtiaz ali. Well whatever it is , i didn't regret spending my 100 bucks to watch ranbir on-screen. I guess i have a new found respect for the Actor ranbir kapoor.
I went with my coll buddies and kaveri ma'am also came with us.

March 28th 2010....

The day is particularly significant.
That is the day he asked me out finally.. wrote a silly little poem and well made magic.
He is gone now.. i don't truly know when i will be able to accept that. maybe never.
I drove him away since he did not fulfill the long list of requirements he was supposed to fulfill.
He was the guy so he had to be perfect. Right?
No.He was not.
He neve called. Never texted back.Broke all the promises. Never took me to meet his friends. Made me cry. Broke my heart.
love doesn't exist! .. I have gotten over other guys i believed i was in love with..Right?
Wrong.
I had unrealistic expectations.
I wasn't patient.
I coudn't be the perfect girlfriend.
I lost him .
It will probably take me years to get over him.
He deserves to be happy.
I hope he will be ...
I'll love you.
MR. Perfect.

the lost loss

Well... its been a year since i have posted something at all. I wonder why i stopped. I can't even begin to mentione the stupid mistakes i have made. I have deliberately kicked the love of my life -out of my life. I want it to remain that way, till i figure out my life on my own. Nothing major has happened in my life apart from the fact that i have had plenty of dissappointments and well new unexpected situtations.
Learnt a lot. Till next i guess i'll just eat.pray and love.


*Mr. bumblebee be happy!