Sunday, March 18, 2012

the possibilities..

After being rejected yet again by the man i love,
i wondered about the possibilities.
Is it possible,
to be hugged by someone for 20 minutes flat, without being groped, kissed , just held...?
Is it possible to find someone who will just hold you for like 20 minutes flat without saying a word.
This degree of affection, liking, love call it whatever.. does this happen?
To be looked at.. ..just stared at... with awe..
Does this happen to normal people?
To hold hands without saying a word.
To share food, like your favorite food..
Love means freedom. Breaking shackles. Being independent.
Will i have the profound privilege of being loved?
Life is so innocent, governed by karma.
Why does love then , feel so complicated.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

life happens..

There are such tricky times in life, where no matter which search engine you try , you will not find answers.
Yesterday Nups told me that i have become numb to feelings or situations.
Should i worry about that ?
Or Isn't it nice that i don't feel things anymore.
Things, People don't concern me anymore.
I mean should it matter that my employer isn't in any mood to pay me.
Or the fact that i let go a very good job opportunity from my hands because of my foolish teacher.
I mean isn't the ultimate thing to just die.
How am i supposed to decide how much someone will pay me for my work.
I want to take things easy.
Not too much stress, is this wrong?
Am i being numb to everything that happens to me?
Am i too easy?
Is Nupur right...

Saturday, March 10, 2012

mr blue blue valentine

Yesterday i watched my blue valentine starring the hottie ryan gosling. Well, i coudn't sleep. this was a movie one of its kind. I was so emotionally shaken. This was the first time i realized that feelings can just fade, evaporate, go away .. so easily. Love is so temporary. Attachments are like mere punishments. Why do i love vaibhav, He doesn't want me. What is the remedy? Even after accepting the fact that im no longer necessary to someone, why do i fantasize? Recently i had a root canal procedure, got me thinking , how wonderful it would be to simply extract the roots of that particular nerve that creates those silly feelings. It could be so cool!.. no pain, no hurt. Last night i cried my eyes out, watching disappointed dean(ryan gosling) walk away in the end is so iconic. His only fault was that he was him. He cared , he love her. He was perfect except he wasn't really rich or successful. The dryness of a loveless marriage is so vividly captured. Made me wonder.. Is this real? Does marriage become this exhausting and grey after a point? Like i wasn't cynical enough!
This movie has opened my eyes to the basic human nature. We like things when they are exciting but things become dry , all things go stale. Everything .. EVERYTHiNG will end.
Love Doesn't exist. Even if it does it is TEMPORARY.
All the songs, movies, ever afters' are all crap.
While wondering all this i realized that the genre of my life after all is nothing but 'tragedy'
Everyday after today will be effort to give up on love.

Monday, March 5, 2012

blinded by youyouyouyouyou..

So many months still can't get over you.

Can i hit my head reealllly hard and forget you existed?
Or could magically turn into a nice guy and come back to me ?
I wish you came back.
I'd be more mature and nicer about everything..
I Hope you come back.
I know you won't come back.