You are your own

“In the name of the best within you, do not sacrifice this world to those who are its worst. In the name of the values that keep you alive, do not let your vision of man be distorted by the ugly, the cowardly, the mindless in those who have never achieved his title. Do not lose your knowledge that man’s proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind and a step that travels unlimited roads. Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it’s yours." | Atlas Shrugged

2013 has ended. almost. 

The year went by like water splashed on feet when entering the temple. Raw, energetic, not quite there. Still empty, even when full.
I have progressed in many ways. Days go by, weekends come, Mondays again. The same faces, the same gestures. All hollow inside. 
No i couldn't really start my business. i'll get there.  
People have taken to social media platforms to poke fun at me. My dressing sense is getting calmer i'm sensing. I don't fit in anymore. 
I haven't found love. I haven't had sex. The prospect of making the effort and loving someone is tiring. The aftermath of the relationship presents problems bigger than the apocalypse. 
I don't find sense in smoking, drinking, recreational drugs, expensive handbags, make-up. 
I like indoors, indulging in bath products, hair-products, norah jones, painting, creating and fantasizing about choti. 
I'm Anti-right. I'm me. The people who poke fun, laugh, bitch, put me down, will be. 
That boy who carries my heart in his pocket will regret losing me. 

Maybe i'm growing, becoming my own person. I may be tarnished, bruised, tested. But that won't stop me from being compassionate, calm, rested & hopeful. 

May 2014 teach me more lessons.. This time around i'm not scared. 

Crying in the office bathroom, people with the loud opinions, critics or the bullies.

Watch me. 

Where am I

Crux: The Center: The End. 

I can't believe what i have turned into. Wait actually i can. I'm letting it all happen. Everything happen to me. I have turned into a victim of my own stupid choices. I have a job. I get paid. Everyone bullies me and treats me like shit. I am letting it all happen to me like its all nothing at all. 

I have lost faith in myself. I can't see where i'm headed. I am unsure. I'm still in lust with him. I am a Second-hander. 

With no zest, no money even after earning. I really don't know what going on. It's like a haze. I'm just beding my neck and walking somewhere. Listening to people, taking everyone's shit. 

Everything is a maze. 

What i want to be?

To be left alone, to wake up to dress to choose to do. 

Am i any different from the little kid who entered first class today trying to sell diwali lanters. 

Probably. 

He is like me a Victim of his situation. Being born in a certain family changed everything in his life.

He is dark, tiny, puny , dirty fingers a running nose. 

He probably sleeps on the floor.

I'm Tired, dazed and lost. 

Wondering what the next big trouble will be. 

Running away is all i'm going to do. 

that particular kind of Love

I'd like to lie next to you, and gaze into your eyes. I'd like to stare long enough to know your iris by-heart. So when i paint you, i'd know every detail. I'd like to run my fingers through your hair, ooze in your awesomness. I'd like to hold your hands. I'd like to smell your face. I'd like to cuddle into you. I'd tie some braids. Perhaps even paint your nails. You'd gaze into me too. We'd say nothing at all. Linger there in our happiness. I'd like some more kisses. The hugs to go on forever. The bonds to stay.
You'd lie next to me. Nothing goes on in your head. The pain starts brimming in me. It feels like a mermaid's silent song. The brisk touch feels nothing to you. You have become one with mud. Yet here i am, same old place as before. The price i paid for that delusion madness excrutiates me empties me every day. Yet there you are, gone in a blink of an eye. Far, Far away. On your journey,on your path. Me; Just a sweet sweet dream. And you; You are killing me.
To be held, touched and loved is a hollow dream. Oh the dreams feel empty without you. And i keep wondering always what am i to you. You'd go on. But will i ever? All i'd want to do is to look at you one more time. To believe it exists. But Alas! when will i ever relive this elaborate dream. Those sweet words were a haze, you were a haze. A beautiful story that did not exist. I'd play songs for you, soothe you and make you mine. Oh, be mine. Be all that i want you to be.Waiting for this dream to get over. Will it ever?
The hollow emptiness will consume me. You never give a damn. But, who am i to complain when you don't even know me. 

I wish i was a boy..

I really wish i was a boy sometimes.
Yes, even Beyonce thinks that-way, she's made a song about it and all!
Alas! If i was a boy i could pack my bags and just get into the next train and go someplace wonderful. Without having to worry things like periods and personal hygiene. I would simply brush my teeth at railway stations or take bath and pee and poop in public.
I could wear one pair of clothes, simply reverse my T-shirt and never give a damn. I'd see many women, i'd love so many of them. They would all want commitment. But then how can i commit, that's not what nature has evolved me for. I'm just supposed to take the warm embraces, the loving kisses, those heartfelt gazes and abandon them. Because, really there will always be another girl to fall in love with me.
I could be that bollywood Rockstar and my mama's boy, i'd party all night, sit in the VIP section and fondle as many white girls as possible. I'd then catch a girls sight and damn she would pay no heed, oh but how can she! Doesn't she know me!
I'd make her fall in love with, she cannot resist my charms, we would be all lovey-dowey in public. I'd take her to all my parties, introduce her as my girlfriend. We would have editorials dedicated to our blooming romance. This doe-eyed beauty is mine! Hah!
Well, i wouldn't be able to help it..that girl was so hot, i would have to cheat. I mean my girlfriend would understand, oh wait she will believe me. She would trust me.
I could be that guy who walk away without giving any explanation because what the hell she wouldn't sleep with me.
I could be that high-school jock at that frat party. Hey she was drunk! All i did was click pictures of her and f***** her. That cannot be rape. I would play football. The whole town would be on my side.
I could be married with small kids. Why would she need my time? What school functions? She has enough money for parlor and shopping. She would just have to shut up. She would jump off my flat with the kids. I would just have an affair. That's no reason to kill herself.
I could be that guy who would just stare at her breasts at railway station, buses, offices. Oh but then i wouldn't be able to can't help it! I would be a man!
I would try to grope as many in crowded places. Because damn, she is on the road midst so much crowd. These woman are practically asking for it.
I'd be that guy on the bus with my buddies trying to score some. After all, we work hard, toil so much. We deserve some refreshment. I'd gnaw her, bite her, grope her, rape her. I'd vandalize her in as many ways possible. I'd use an iron rod. Because she was on the road with a guy at night. She deserves this. I'd then throw her and her friend and hope they die.
I'd be arrested but what the hell, i'm a minor. I can peacefully watch television and play. They would recognize me on the outside, but in a three years time who will remember.
I would be that guy who would enjoy smoking up in the ruins on Mahalaxmi with my buddies. Hey! who cares about this fucked up world anyways. I'd tie her up and beat her friend. I'd rape her and boast about my masculinity. I'd click pictures and threaten her. She would be never open her mouth.
I would see the news and try to run. I'd be in Jail. I just raped her.
She was asking for it. She was working. I wouldn't be able to control. I'd be let of easy in a few years and put up a tea stall.

So i guess. This evolutionary game tricked us into believing women are important. We should be killed off as soon as we are born. Oh wait! so half of Indians already do that. So awesome, thank  god those female infants died. They might just get raped eventually. Or mentally torchered because clearly it is their fault they were born.

I really wish i was a boy.

change and control.

I have been watching too much Dexter lately. Screwing and working on myself in a lot of new ways. For example i'm travelling by second class these days. And being subjected whole range of anguish. I cannot deceive myself life has been tough lately. Working hard to setup my business which is going nowhere. Travelling, working trying.. all down the drain. What am i becoming, am i even becoming?
No love life as for now, however i am coming to terms with enjoying myself and the little minuscule things i enjoy doing, like reworking on clothes.
I have worked for sometime, every month i get some salary, sometimes more sometimes less. But no matter how i get it's never enough. How much will be enough?
Makes me wonder my goal of earning bucket loads of money seems quite puny right now. I wish i could just enroll in zillion classes like sitar, french, vocals and just enjoy these things. But that would be selfish after-all i owe to my family to earn money and build a home and all.
I wonder what i will become.
Aren't i something.
Will love ever happen? let's see.
I did get a job in a very fancy company and no one has bullied me yet. It's chilled out here. I'm liking it. I'm clueless about the next step. Wandering soul hunting for that thing that will quench me. Satisfy my thirst.
It's a lot of things but really it is nothing at all.

Oh and i don't love him anymore.It was very simple really. I'm not me anymore. And the reality is that he was. 

Apocalypse of certain moods

"Chandni raateein sab jag soye hum jaage taaro se kare baatein"

My to go song these days. Life changes so drastically yet so silently. Just like still waters. You wouldn't know the strength of the current unless you swim in the opposite direction of it. I am 22. It still is a little unbelievable that i have lived 22 years of my life. He is happily dating. It's been 2.5 years. I made-out with some one i wanted to make out for a long time now. It sucked. Perry's ex kabir is engaged to be married. Very soon all our exes will get engaged. Armaan is growing taller. I'm becoming stereotypical style-less human being. But i haven't given up hope though. On love, Life and things. I've realized one thing life goes by too fast and now it's on it fast forward mode. I had sent a long letter to him on his gmail id. He did not reply. Any normal human being would have perhaps. But, well. 

I found a new job. It's a huge company. Very fancy. I hope i manage to run my business and don't loose my sense of ambition. I hope i loose my virginity this year to someone i trust. I hope i am able to trust. 

I'm glad of the woman i am becoming. I hope the mistakes of today seem like the apt choices for tomorrow. Days come and go by, the really tiny things that happen that you almost miss out on are the ones that stick to you the most. I can't wait to taste success. But in the end isn't it all hollow. Nothingness. Like the black hole. Everything is nothing after all. 

I am at a placid stage at my life. Serene and calm. I am slowly breaking free from the go-oey bitterness that encompassed me and became a part of me for so long. 

I am happy as long as he is happy. I'll find someone i guess, someone who will be cool. And maybe cool enough to make me laugh also. 

I guess i'll wait this time and not be hasty. 

Until then. Breathe. 

The poem ill always look back on.

AFTER A WHILE (Veronica Shoftshall, 1971)

After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept
your defeats
with your head up
and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman,
not the grief of a child

And you learn to build
all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground
is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way
of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.

And you learn
that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...

Then After "after a while" you change and build your hopes again. 
And pray that maybe this time it will be different
 And you hold on to that hope because in the end that's all you really have..

AFTER "AFTER A WHILE"

After 'after a while'
You want to hold a hand not to chain a soul but
to enjoy its company,
and you want someone's lips to kiss,
not because you are lonely but because you are
happy, and you want to give presents
and you want to make promises.

After 'after a while'
You begin to accept your defeats like an adult,
but like a child, will want someone to listen
and care,
and you want someone who will build roads with
you today so maybe you can pave the way for your
future together.

After 'after a while'
You want someone's sunshine and warmth,
but also accept the rain and the cold,
and you want to give flowers picked from your
own garden.

And when your garden is picture perfect,
you want it to be more than a picture
even if it means having to be imperfect
because you want someone in it to stay and to
live.
Then you'll see that there is
such a thing as love...
and that you were made to live in someone else's
garden...
and you'll know that there is more to life than
yourself.

AND NOW...
You realize that no matter how tightly you hold,
if you're meant to let go, you can
And then you will understand that love
gives you reasons to understand
even the most complicated situations
And you will grow older believing that just
because you have convictions
doesn't mean you're always right

You will remember lips because of the smiles
that made your day,
the words that touched your soul, not only
because of the sweet kisses
And as you graciously accept defeat and absorb
the meaning of lessons
learned,
You feel that you are finally being the person
you never thought you'd be

So, armed with courage, strength and confidence,
you will face the world
head on...
With or without an army behind you
Because you know your worth and that alone is an
armor 

With more heartbreaks you will cry
But after every heartache, you will rise

Life is a garden ... it takes long to make it
beautifulBut it's always worth the wait..


Yesterday perry told me how he keep posting unbelievably happy pictures on instagram, she asked me if i wanted to see. I said no, not because i'd get jealous but i realized that's what i had prayed for so hard once. I wanted him happy with or without me. 
I was a tiny fraction of his life easily forgotten. But i'll never forget him, i still have lots of angst but now that i'm older and wiser i guess it's safe to say that i'm no longer waiting for him to come back and save me. Maybe i'm my savior after all. He will marry, have kids. I may marry i might have kids, o i may not. I may never truly forget him, after all he was my one true love, or i might not even remember his name. 
After all this time, i'm stronger. And i'm proud of myself for loving truly. 

A baby step

Okay so i havnt really sold anything as yet. But i'm proud because i'm changing my old lazy ways. Here's my new society6 store. :)
Hope i can make some amount of money and get the much needed exposure!
http://society6.com/Noodlesstore

Dotblankdot

Its funny how people discard you when you no longer serve their illusions.

drained, emptied and battered.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/to-you-2/

a lot of weird things happened this week. This article was one of them. Some one wrote this i don't know who. But this is closest to what i feel right now. Like the waves on the beach my feelings for you keep altering. Maybe i'll never truly get over you. Maybe you are the one true great love of my life. My secret one sided love obsession with you might never end. I give up. After one and a half years of intense struggle, i put my white flags up. I loose choti lakdi, you win. You have forgotten and moved on. I cant do the same. I'm stupid. I guess i can do nothing about it.

You win man.
I'm a stupid girl who fell in love with you.

Why it sucks being the poorest person in your family and devising ways to find happiness.

Well, the title was going to be just "why it sucks being poor" and the whole post was going to be me lamenting about my financial status, lack of social status and therefore lack of any sense of identity.
But no. Enough with the negativity already. Its not like i'm the happiest person on the planet. But i'm just tired of pinpointing the numerous shortcomings of weird coiled life.

Okay so here goes the list ,

1. Dress up. Now being poor obviously means the lack of fabulous outfits. But that's no excuse for the lack of style. So to tackle this, you can always DIY. Yes, my dearies, DIY is the answer to all our problems. There are plenty , i mean lots of ideas out there. And there are lot's of creative women who happily share these ideas. Make most of them.

 Well as you can see i made some pretty hearts on a dull grey jacket. :) This is me vending my frustration. A healthy outlet don't you think?

2. Make lemonade. Okay so being poor also means you cannot afford tropical fancy fruits and make fancy looking drinks out of them. So, you can always dig in the refrigerator for some lemons and make lemonade.
And well, you can dig some more and you might actually find some alcohol. Well, to funk it up , you can always add tiny amounts of different alcohol to your lemonade. Similarly, you can add all kind of weird spices in your kitchen and learn to make amazing-ly weird drinks!! Voila! or at-least a funny looking drink. Well, just don't add stuff that would make you die.

3. Pretend to be a yogi and meditate. hmm. well if everyone out there is a loner like me, then you'd like spending time indoors. Now, what do you do when your crying so hard that you forgot the reason why you're actually crying. And when you stare at your face in the mirror, you wonder how funny you look. So, you can obviously find some candles in your house make a huge circle, sit in center, in the dark, light them all, close your eyes, and pretend to see the divine white light everyone talks about. You might end up thinking about rubbish but that fine. After ten minutes you might want to simply stare at the candles and try to play stupid games like how fast you can move your fingers through the flame without getting burnt. just don't really get burnt.

4. Read thought catalog. It's kind of peaceful to know that there are equally miserable people out there. Obviously there are bigger problems in life like, earth ending, alien invasions, weird looking species getting killed and wiped out, global warming and loads of other stuff, but being in a rut and stupid relationship crap gets to you.

5. Buy a nice smelling soap and bathe. Well expensive shower gels are out of the question when you poor. So you give yourself the luxury of enjoying one nice hot bath. Stay in as long as you want. use the whole bar of soap. Make as many froth hairstyle's you like. Dance in the shower. Masturbate as much as you like.

6. Dance. yes i know baz luhrmann said it i'm saying it again. Just put on the radio and dance alone. throw yourself into wacky music and just hop around. My favorite wacky dance number is super-freak.

7. Sketch. I know one of the disadvantages of being lazy is that you cannot bring yourself to do any thing. But this doodling is fun. You don't have to buy fancy looking leather bound books. Just grab some old book with few blank pages. Find a pencil, and there you go!! for starters i'm sure there are all kinds of fascinating people around. Start by doodling their faces. Develop characters.

8. Develop a stupid hobby. Like mine is to pick buttons. Yes i love picking buttons from any damn place. Not mind you people i do not buy them . I just pick it up from the road. Well it's not weird. You can pick stones if you like. Be proud of you're silly little hobby.

Well this is it for now. Try to somehow revive energy. And try to live it up. Trying is everything. Poverty at-least in my case is not by choice. Being born in a broken home with no support except monthly alms from your rich family members is not really that great. You end up being labelled as a gold digger and your automatically the inferior leper no one wants around them. Your boyfriend also dumps you because you simply poor and cant afford most of the things.

But trying to to move on from being in this state matters. Having a plan and not let bullshit intimidate you, matters.

Even stones are in the state of becoming.

Seeking a friend for the end of the world! :P

Well watched this movie yesterday. Well what a refreshing piece of story. So calm, so pretty and well Steve carell is just such a huggable guy! I did not expect Keira knightly to be the lead actress, before watching the movie i thought it will have some random actress. When the movie began i thought oh! what a odd couple. But as the movie progressed, all i could think was what chemistry.
Such a subtle, simple movie, with so many underlying emotional complications yet so untangled. Well, i cried obviously because im such a cry baby. But those were happy tears. Well, even though the movie was fictional i felt it was human.
Well, here's my new favorite love song dedicated to me. And Yes Herb Albert is singing it just for me :) he means it and all. :D

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrbCWIUhggA

happy post number 1

Came across these two fabulous things. Made my day. Pageviews told me there are people who actually read my blog :|. Well, i hope these make your day too, stranger who read my blog and thus knows my stupid secrets. 

Where is Vibha?

Endless hours of pain, hot tears, hiccups, pain i can no longer carry.
Till when?
How long do i punish myself?
I want to leave everything behind me like an experience.
An experience which i simply cannot find enough words to describe.
I want to move forward.
I do.
I really want to move on and find things that are waiting for me beyond this horizon.
You choti-ladki will be just a memory very soon.
I let you go.
I let you go.

Here's to that first beam of light.
A truly surreal write-up.
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/the-soulmate-you-deserve/

The answer is blowin' in the wind

I like feathers.I like how they are so soft.
 I like to catch them before they touch the ground.
I like to look at windows.
The ones which have nests for sparrows,
The panes that reflect light
The ones that have broken glasses. The ones that are green. The ones that don't have grills.
I like to walk alone and think too many things
I like music any, the old kind of classics. Anything that touches my soul.
I like watching cartoons like hey arnolds and the wild thornberrys and cardcaptor sakura.
And I'm 21.
I like laughing too much so my cheeks hurt
Id like to play the guitar really well someday
I like to read my diaries just to see how much I've grown.
I have failed, been ridiculed, tried to kill myself too many times,
Maybe ill never be good enough for you.
I'll always be too-dark, too-short, too-dumb for your eyes,
But i guess i'm good enough for me
Maybe you are too shallow to see how wonderful i could be
You can soak yourself up in your snobbishness
And enjoy with your numerous girlfriends
I've got company till i die,
Apparently my soul-mate was me all this time! 

LOve-less?

How much do you love me? And Who's in charge?” - from eat.pray.love

We live in troubles. At no given point is a person rid of troubles. Momentary satisfaction of being okay with troubles can embalm us only when we  snap into reality and be aware of our present. 
Money troubles, 
weight troubles, 
bad skin troubles, 
cramps, 
insecurities, 
jealously, 
fears..i think all of these are different forms of troubles. But no trouble gets our attention the way love does. All our fears and insecurities seem so much magnified when in relation to the matters of love. Everything, all that we are is non-existential. Our minds are constantly thinking about that one person who you find interesting. Recently, when talking to akram i realized that no matter what kind of shit you are in, you will still be bothered if the person you like doesn't respond to your text. That guy who seemed to be interested never liked your picture on facebook. That girl who looked so hot and you were planning to ask out is now committed. Why do humans have a emotional side? What was the necessity. We are aware all the time. Aware that we broke hearts, said mean things, spread crappy rumors. Why don't we act on it? 
Why don't i act on it? 
I went to Norah Jones' concert yesterday! the most surreal day ever! well , i saw so many cute couples. Couples who looked so much in love. Guys who looked into their woman's eyes and seemed so lost in them! guys who held their ladyloves by their waists and walked around. I am 21, poor, pretty, wee bit talented, directionless about my career, broken hearted woman. 
My head is so judgmental  I'm so ashamed. I see someone, and i start mentally categorizing cool, uncool, rich, poor, the townie accent, date-worthy, non-date-worthy. Maybe these are my insecurities being projected on random people i meet. 
When will ever stop being so judgmental. 
Will i ever be able to open my heart to love. 
Will i ever be loved? 
Will he look into my eyes and be all lost? 
Will he put his arms around my waist? 
Will he kiss me for more than 2 secs? 

Mr.Choti ladki is now dating a very intelligent psychologist. I hope i move on too. 
I hope i find my answers. 

the letter i wrote to him on Tue, Aug 9, 2011 at 9:48 PM

You know what ..  i realised i am extremely happy without having you as a boyfriend.

Even you know that you never treated me like your girl friend.

I wonder why you wanted one, when you hardly are ready for a proper relationship.

I mean you never remembered our anniversary!

you hardly have the balls to hold my hand while walking.. 

all i wanted was to have a happy relationship,

A guy who atleast valued me..

I have no place in your life, time and again your actions have proved that.

, i would still love to be your friend.

I am going to move on. I have a fabulous future , which includes a person who'll love and respect me truly.

I Know  you'll also find love.

Good luck vaibhav, 

it was a stupid decision to get back.

I'LL always be there for you, if you ever need me.

SOrry But i value my self too much , to be treated like crap.

This time, I Let you go for sure. :)

you are a really nice guy, just that we are not made for each other.

Ill pray u achieve all ur dreams, and be happy and in good health always.

I am so glad i did not delete this. This reminds me of the fact that we couldn't ever last. 

A interesting piece of story...

When i was a kid i read a story about a flower. It was in my English text book. I don't remember it well however.. It went like this 

There was a field full of pretty flowers. There were all kinds of flowers red flowers, pink flowers, yellow ones, thorny ones, plain withered ones. Then there was this ambitious little amaranth that grew silently among the Amaranth clan. Even though she was born average, sidetracked by birth, she was extremely inquisitive and curious by nature. As she grew she realized that not everyone is the same. She began to see her insecurities more clearly. Her own thoughts bringing her down. She looked at the roses and was smitten by their beauty. She pondered how just being born as something,as someone determined your fate. The roses were the most gorgeous thing in the field. They stood tall and proud glistening and aware of their beauty. They dazzled in blood red with those beads of water decorating their body like diamonds. Their scent was mesmerizing. Every once in a while a traveler stood close and plucked a rose. This meant death for the pretty little rose but it also meant that the roses are valued. The ambitious little flower thought to herself, maybe if she prayed real hard that maybe she will too turn into a pretty rose. She prayed all day , all night also. After too much praying a little fairy showed up. The fairy asked the amaranth why she wanted to give her life up and turn into a rose as she was perfectly pretty the way she was! She begged and cried and told the fairy that this was it! her dream was to be a rose. After loads of contemplation the fairy decided to grant the flower's wish. She told amaranth that she could be a rose for a day, after that she will just have to die. Amaranth all excited and glad danced in excitement and agreed. The next morning amaranth woke up as a rose. She glistened and rose taller than any of the other roses. The other roses were envious of her beauty. She swayed with the wind and let butterflies rest on her. She enjoyed the sun rays playing on her. But when the sun bid adieu , amaranth started loosing her energy. Evening turned into night and Amaranth was on her death bed. The proud roses nudged each other and laughed at Amaranth's stupidity. they taunted her on her foolishness. Her old friends from the Amaranth clan made fun of her for making such a stupid decision. 

Amaranth looked at them with the little energy that she had within her, asked all of them to shut up! .... and told the roses that they simply lucky and stupid..  The rest of the amaranth's were too secure in their own lives. Not wanting to explore or be adventurous. She was proud that she made a stupid decision because , she lived truly for a day before dying. 

Moral of the story- 

I honestly, truly never figured it out. 

No seriously.. Everyone thinks your supposed to be happy with what you have. But the same people also say that you need to be ambitious. Even when i was a kid i wondered what exactly was the message of this story. Till date i haven't figured it out. Are we as humans too greedy to keep wanting more all the time. Should we just shut up and be satisfied. Should we just leave everything on fate? 

Shit this post is too long. :| 

What am i to you..tell me darling true

I love the fact that i fucking loved to hate everything that i loved about the rotten you.

for you. You jerk