Saturday, December 28, 2013

You are your own

“In the name of the best within you, do not sacrifice this world to those who are its worst. In the name of the values that keep you alive, do not let your vision of man be distorted by the ugly, the cowardly, the mindless in those who have never achieved his title. Do not lose your knowledge that man’s proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind and a step that travels unlimited roads. Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it’s yours." | Atlas Shrugged

2013 has ended. almost. 

The year went by like water splashed on feet when entering the temple. Raw, energetic, not quite there. Still empty, even when full.
I have progressed in many ways. Days go by, weekends come, Mondays again. The same faces, the same gestures. All hollow inside. 
No i couldn't really start my business. i'll get there.  
People have taken to social media platforms to poke fun at me. My dressing sense is getting calmer i'm sensing. I don't fit in anymore. 
I haven't found love. I haven't had sex. The prospect of making the effort and loving someone is tiring. The aftermath of the relationship presents problems bigger than the apocalypse. 
I don't find sense in smoking, drinking, recreational drugs, expensive handbags, make-up. 
I like indoors, indulging in bath products, hair-products, norah jones, painting, creating and fantasizing about choti. 
I'm Anti-right. I'm me. The people who poke fun, laugh, bitch, put me down, will be. 
That boy who carries my heart in his pocket will regret losing me. 

Maybe i'm growing, becoming my own person. I may be tarnished, bruised, tested. But that won't stop me from being compassionate, calm, rested & hopeful. 

May 2014 teach me more lessons.. This time around i'm not scared. 

Crying in the office bathroom, people with the loud opinions, critics or the bullies.

Watch me. 

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