Monday, March 4, 2013


How much do you love me? And Who's in charge?” - from

We live in troubles. At no given point is a person rid of troubles. Momentary satisfaction of being okay with troubles can embalm us only when we  snap into reality and be aware of our present. 
Money troubles, 
weight troubles, 
bad skin troubles, 
fears..i think all of these are different forms of troubles. But no trouble gets our attention the way love does. All our fears and insecurities seem so much magnified when in relation to the matters of love. Everything, all that we are is non-existential. Our minds are constantly thinking about that one person who you find interesting. Recently, when talking to akram i realized that no matter what kind of shit you are in, you will still be bothered if the person you like doesn't respond to your text. That guy who seemed to be interested never liked your picture on facebook. That girl who looked so hot and you were planning to ask out is now committed. Why do humans have a emotional side? What was the necessity. We are aware all the time. Aware that we broke hearts, said mean things, spread crappy rumors. Why don't we act on it? 
Why don't i act on it? 
I went to Norah Jones' concert yesterday! the most surreal day ever! well , i saw so many cute couples. Couples who looked so much in love. Guys who looked into their woman's eyes and seemed so lost in them! guys who held their ladyloves by their waists and walked around. I am 21, poor, pretty, wee bit talented, directionless about my career, broken hearted woman. 
My head is so judgmental  I'm so ashamed. I see someone, and i start mentally categorizing cool, uncool, rich, poor, the townie accent, date-worthy, non-date-worthy. Maybe these are my insecurities being projected on random people i meet. 
When will ever stop being so judgmental. 
Will i ever be able to open my heart to love. 
Will i ever be loved? 
Will he look into my eyes and be all lost? 
Will he put his arms around my waist? 
Will he kiss me for more than 2 secs? 

Mr.Choti ladki is now dating a very intelligent psychologist. I hope i move on too. 
I hope i find my answers. 

1 comment:

Blueberry Gumlin :D said...

Someone will do those things for you and much more :*