Tuesday, August 13, 2013

change and control.

I have been watching too much Dexter lately. Screwing and working on myself in a lot of new ways. For example i'm travelling by second class these days. And being subjected whole range of anguish. I cannot deceive myself life has been tough lately. Working hard to setup my business which is going nowhere. Travelling, working trying.. all down the drain. What am i becoming, am i even becoming?
No love life as for now, however i am coming to terms with enjoying myself and the little minuscule things i enjoy doing, like reworking on clothes.
I have worked for sometime, every month i get some salary, sometimes more sometimes less. But no matter how i get it's never enough. How much will be enough?
Makes me wonder my goal of earning bucket loads of money seems quite puny right now. I wish i could just enroll in zillion classes like sitar, french, vocals and just enjoy these things. But that would be selfish after-all i owe to my family to earn money and build a home and all.
I wonder what i will become.
Aren't i something.
Will love ever happen? let's see.
I did get a job in a very fancy company and no one has bullied me yet. It's chilled out here. I'm liking it. I'm clueless about the next step. Wandering soul hunting for that thing that will quench me. Satisfy my thirst.
It's a lot of things but really it is nothing at all.

Oh and i don't love him anymore.It was very simple really. I'm not me anymore. And the reality is that he was. 

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