Smile for me.

What is a smile anyway ?
Why should i smile anyway ... when i was a kid i thought stretching my mouth to the left and the extreme right and forming a straight line would make a smile. Well, no wonders i looked pathetic in wedding pictures. As i grew up and lost my front teeth, i had a smile paralysis. I couldn't really show people the gap in mouth due to the missing molars. Result: i pursed my lips. Well and that was my smile. Eventually i got my teeth back and well they came back in the most horrible way possible. I had a bunch of crooked teeth inside my mouth. People called me a rabbit. I never understood what a smile is supposed to look like. Are we supposed to show our teeth. Well, i finally grew up and decided to be more social and well smile. I finally let it all out. I smiled without thinking about my weirdness. My bad angles, my crooked teeth. I smiled. with my soul. I could see the shine in my eyes.That's all it takes , a heartfelt smile. It is a weird thing though. Smiling is such a simple concept. Such a natural human behavior. But so uncontrollable. 

the company of loneliness

Waking up to a bad dream is something , but waking up crying for a dream that in some parts is true, well, that is something else. Tears are a weird phenomenon. They come when you least need them. There, to embarrass you. Make you look like a wuss, sentimental freak of some kind. And when you need them, to fake you way through something. They simply decline from making an appearance. A feeling which never goes. Pain which never leaves your side. Helplessness which doesn't improve at all. Feeling like lower than the standards of tiny insignificant mayfly , when you have no money. Not more than 20 rs, even when working. Those lost moments when people enjoy relationships, who enjoy love , sex and well, care. And then feeling like another tiny non-significant creature with a short life span when you see someone having all of these and still cribbing. When did the daily moments become such a struggle. When did i land up on this path. So confusing,  disappointing everyone around. People who you adore are happy to get rid of you and your memories. You hang on to them like a stubborn puppy. World moves on, you lie there. Trying to shake you hands real real fast in an oscillation, to feel moments. To feel that your are indeed a human being. And moments are running so fast. The time that will come has already passed. Times change. They do. don't they?

This too shall pass

You are very weird you know,
You have got a big nose,
A large one,
Unlike mine which is small and cute,  
 Your eyes are tiny and slant too much,
Unlike mine which are big and round,
Your fingers are long like ten twigs,
Grey hair on your head,
How repulsive! 
Your flabby tummy isn't very appealing you know,
The way you smile,
Attempting to hide those fake teeth,
Your eyes are hazel not brown,

Your feet are huge,
Not normal for a proportioned man,
Your skin is yellowish brown,
The nails dirty and uncut,
You lie there in front of me,
Without even looking at me,
You said something,
I hardly heard,
You see im too busy in my head,
Loving you and your flaws!

The prettiest smells..

A list of the most prettiest smells i have had the good fortune to smell.

•  mud after rains.. 
• new born babies 
• smell of aged leaf 
•  his scent on my clothes
•  Freshly manicured nails
•  salty sea
• bittersweet caramel smell from that tree
• my hair after conditioning 
• His hair 
• burning firewood 
•  fresh mornings
• soap untouched by water
• fresh idli batter
• fresh coconut water
• kerosene
• confidence ....

look at the sky .

The sky brings tear in my eye,
The majestic blues that flirt with the oranges,
The birth of blushing yellows,
The veiled whites shying away
The sultry black seducing his way,
The arm offered by the tangy tangerine
The pretty pinks in his fingernails,
Tonight the king of night is away,
The hues are scheming, the wild gossips say,
Tonight we look forward to this magical array,
With smiles, giggles, roars,and moans
The dark night finally has his way!
They collide, play
Oh! What a day
The birth of transparent little drops is here to stay
The thirsty earth rises to glorious day.

The one who gave up.

My numb hands. My feet are giving away. A few more seconds, a few more breaths. This is it!  i cannot give up now. This is one chance that i have got. Not another ever. This is my only escape. These shackles, traps, of human relations that surround me. Disguises of love. The security these lowlife people will have in my losses and mediocrity. But i can now prove them wrong. They will never win. Why, when our bodies are trapped our souls free? Imagination is a blessing for prisoners of time. They don't even really care about me. A few more years and they will start hating me. More i grow onto them they will start expecting things from me. Despising me. Taunting all my views mocking my being. I will not let them win. I'm so lucky i remember it all.They say it will take a millisecond. I'm cold and scared. But i have made up my mind. I will not go through this all over again. A deep breath. I tighten my fists. The lights dimming. The bright colorful haze. This intoxicating luminosity of pure whiteness. And i see it..
.
.
.
.
.
.



- We are sorry to inform you madam , your child is stillborn.

The tired stranger

What is wrong with her, why is she following me? ...
But she is not really looking at me...
Maybe she wants to go to the same place where i am going...
Why then is she walking so close...
There is something unsettling about her face though..
I mean look at her...
Shoddy face.. unkempt hair...
Ugh .. those clothes...
Gosh i should ignore her..
Why can't i stop obsessing about this woman..
Okay..Stop think.
STOP.
Think of something else...
popadidumdummm
popopopopdadidumdumm...
Okie..
This girl is so repulsive...
IS she mocking me?
Okie..Ill walk really fast.
Okay so i guess i left her behind somewhere
Finally
wait what .. she is right next to me..
I take a good look at her
Her tired eyes
lips.
jaw...
Loose strands of brittle hair..
 I feel a jolt
I stop where i was 
The world doesn't
She walked past me..
She is me!
Who am i then
I run behind her..
Only to witness her being crushed.
..A large sea green tempo
Why did i run to save her...
She was dead long ago.
I was alive ever since.