the company of loneliness

Waking up to a bad dream is something , but waking up crying for a dream that in some parts is true, well, that is something else. Tears are a weird phenomenon. They come when you least need them. There, to embarrass you. Make you look like a wuss, sentimental freak of some kind. And when you need them, to fake you way through something. They simply decline from making an appearance. A feeling which never goes. Pain which never leaves your side. Helplessness which doesn't improve at all. Feeling like lower than the standards of tiny insignificant mayfly , when you have no money. Not more than 20 rs, even when working. Those lost moments when people enjoy relationships, who enjoy love , sex and well, care. And then feeling like another tiny non-significant creature with a short life span when you see someone having all of these and still cribbing. When did the daily moments become such a struggle. When did i land up on this path. So confusing,  disappointing everyone around. People who you adore are happy to get rid of you and your memories. You hang on to them like a stubborn puppy. World moves on, you lie there. Trying to shake you hands real real fast in an oscillation, to feel moments. To feel that your are indeed a human being. And moments are running so fast. The time that will come has already passed. Times change. They do. don't they?