the possibilities..

After being rejected yet again by the man i love,
i wondered about the possibilities.
Is it possible,
to be hugged by someone for 20 minutes flat, without being groped, kissed , just held...?
Is it possible to find someone who will just hold you for like 20 minutes flat without saying a word.
This degree of affection, liking, love call it whatever.. does this happen?
To be looked at.. ..just stared at... with awe..
Does this happen to normal people?
To hold hands without saying a word.
To share food, like your favorite food..
Love means freedom. Breaking shackles. Being independent.
Will i have the profound privilege of being loved?
Life is so innocent, governed by karma.
Why does love then , feel so complicated.

life happens..

There are such tricky times in life, where no matter which search engine you try , you will not find answers.
Yesterday Nups told me that i have become numb to feelings or situations.
Should i worry about that ?
Or Isn't it nice that i don't feel things anymore.
Things, People don't concern me anymore.
I mean should it matter that my employer isn't in any mood to pay me.
Or the fact that i let go a very good job opportunity from my hands because of my foolish teacher.
I mean isn't the ultimate thing to just die.
How am i supposed to decide how much someone will pay me for my work.
I want to take things easy.
Not too much stress, is this wrong?
Am i being numb to everything that happens to me?
Am i too easy?
Is Nupur right...

mr blue blue valentine

Yesterday i watched my blue valentine starring the hottie ryan gosling. Well, i coudn't sleep. this was a movie one of its kind. I was so emotionally shaken. This was the first time i realized that feelings can just fade, evaporate, go away .. so easily. Love is so temporary. Attachments are like mere punishments. Why do i love vaibhav, He doesn't want me. What is the remedy? Even after accepting the fact that im no longer necessary to someone, why do i fantasize? Recently i had a root canal procedure, got me thinking , how wonderful it would be to simply extract the roots of that particular nerve that creates those silly feelings. It could be so cool!.. no pain, no hurt. Last night i cried my eyes out, watching disappointed dean(ryan gosling) walk away in the end is so iconic. His only fault was that he was him. He cared , he love her. He was perfect except he wasn't really rich or successful. The dryness of a loveless marriage is so vividly captured. Made me wonder.. Is this real? Does marriage become this exhausting and grey after a point? Like i wasn't cynical enough!
This movie has opened my eyes to the basic human nature. We like things when they are exciting but things become dry , all things go stale. Everything .. EVERYTHiNG will end.
Love Doesn't exist. Even if it does it is TEMPORARY.
All the songs, movies, ever afters' are all crap.
While wondering all this i realized that the genre of my life after all is nothing but 'tragedy'
Everyday after today will be effort to give up on love.

blinded by youyouyouyouyou..

So many months still can't get over you.
:|

Can i hit my head reealllly hard and forget you existed?
Or could magically turn into a nice guy and come back to me ?
I wish you came back.
I'd be more mature and nicer about everything..
I Hope you come back.
I know you won't come back.

Some people Deserve Hell.

My anonymous letter to a not so anonymous person in my life.

Dear Mr. Asshole,
Thanks for turning down my invitation. Thanks for not wishing on my birthday. Thanks for forgetting to meet me. Thanks for humiliating me. Thanks for compromising my self-respect. Thanks for showing me what a mistake i made by falling for you. You are nothing but mean, selfish, immature, cheap, small-minded jerk. Guys like you do not deserve to be with any kind of girl. Thanks for ruining my belief system. Thanks for treating me so badly. I wish you rot in hell. I wish My hatred for you somehow makes me forget you. Good luck in life. BAstard.

a mirage.

I have crossed the limit. I have finally bcum mad. I see him everywhere. :O i see him in random strangers nd i run!
God save mad me.
Mr choti ladki  why are you an emotional blackhole :O

The criteria for love?

LOve . The most overrated feeling. A friend once mentioned. All songs are written about it. All movies have this as a theme.And i keep blogging about it.NOn stop. Yet if you look for a proper satisfying definition, there is none. I guess its mutual attraction. When you body isn't in control of your head. You feel things in your stomach at the touch, sight of that particular organism. Sometimes i think love is nothing but quite similar to a disease. Like in fever or diarrhea. Just that the diseases can be cured with medicines. How can love be cured? The criteria for love is to think about that person everyday all day with no pauses. Even in you dreams :| seriously! Its like you can't stop your brain from thinking about them. Love is when all you can think about is that particular person's well being. Are they okay , have they eaten? Was their day alright? Is the world treating them fine? Innumerable questions about Them.
But about us. Me?
Me is lost! as far as i know.
When things are new, fresh and vibrant in a new relationship when they still love you; things are so beautiful! its almost unreal!! feels so GOOD.. Like a Big soft fluffy pillow with a big soft fluffy bed, buttery smoothness, no negative thoughts, just whiteness like loads of vanilla ice cream :P And the urge to smile like joker from batman!.
But when the other person gets distant, doesn't care about you. YOu inevitably sink in a small black hole, where everything smells like rust, Steel gray , fungus-y green and slimy in a bad way.
What can a person do... when the person you love doesn't want to see you , hear from you?
1. secretly keep loving them for ages
2. find someone to fuck temporarily
3. kill yourself.

Honestly these are the only three things that are possible options, all the shit that immerse yourself in work and all is shit.
Why this mad urge to see them, touch them, keep staring.
Your ego is lost. Self-respect gone.
I feel love is a punishment if not a disease.
The conclusion is that love is like a virus that turns into a flu and then turns into self-torture.

I really hope that some time in 2025 or some other century there is a cure for this life-threatening disease.