that particular kind of Love

I'd like to lie next to you, and gaze into your eyes. I'd like to stare long enough to know your iris by-heart. So when i paint you, i'd know every detail. I'd like to run my fingers through your hair, ooze in your awesomness. I'd like to hold your hands. I'd like to smell your face. I'd like to cuddle into you. I'd tie some braids. Perhaps even paint your nails. You'd gaze into me too. We'd say nothing at all. Linger there in our happiness. I'd like some more kisses. The hugs to go on forever. The bonds to stay.
You'd lie next to me. Nothing goes on in your head. The pain starts brimming in me. It feels like a mermaid's silent song. The brisk touch feels nothing to you. You have become one with mud. Yet here i am, same old place as before. The price i paid for that delusion madness excrutiates me empties me every day. Yet there you are, gone in a blink of an eye. Far, Far away. On your journey,on your path. Me; Just a sweet sweet dream. And you; You are killing me.
To be held, touched and loved is a hollow dream. Oh the dreams feel empty without you. And i keep wondering always what am i to you. You'd go on. But will i ever? All i'd want to do is to look at you one more time. To believe it exists. But Alas! when will i ever relive this elaborate dream. Those sweet words were a haze, you were a haze. A beautiful story that did not exist. I'd play songs for you, soothe you and make you mine. Oh, be mine. Be all that i want you to be.Waiting for this dream to get over. Will it ever?
The hollow emptiness will consume me. You never give a damn. But, who am i to complain when you don't even know me. 

I wish i was a boy..

I really wish i was a boy sometimes.
Yes, even Beyonce thinks that-way, she's made a song about it and all!
Alas! If i was a boy i could pack my bags and just get into the next train and go someplace wonderful. Without having to worry things like periods and personal hygiene. I would simply brush my teeth at railway stations or take bath and pee and poop in public.
I could wear one pair of clothes, simply reverse my T-shirt and never give a damn. I'd see many women, i'd love so many of them. They would all want commitment. But then how can i commit, that's not what nature has evolved me for. I'm just supposed to take the warm embraces, the loving kisses, those heartfelt gazes and abandon them. Because, really there will always be another girl to fall in love with me.
I could be that bollywood Rockstar and my mama's boy, i'd party all night, sit in the VIP section and fondle as many white girls as possible. I'd then catch a girls sight and damn she would pay no heed, oh but how can she! Doesn't she know me!
I'd make her fall in love with, she cannot resist my charms, we would be all lovey-dowey in public. I'd take her to all my parties, introduce her as my girlfriend. We would have editorials dedicated to our blooming romance. This doe-eyed beauty is mine! Hah!
Well, i wouldn't be able to help it..that girl was so hot, i would have to cheat. I mean my girlfriend would understand, oh wait she will believe me. She would trust me.
I could be that guy who walk away without giving any explanation because what the hell she wouldn't sleep with me.
I could be that high-school jock at that frat party. Hey she was drunk! All i did was click pictures of her and f***** her. That cannot be rape. I would play football. The whole town would be on my side.
I could be married with small kids. Why would she need my time? What school functions? She has enough money for parlor and shopping. She would just have to shut up. She would jump off my flat with the kids. I would just have an affair. That's no reason to kill herself.
I could be that guy who would just stare at her breasts at railway station, buses, offices. Oh but then i wouldn't be able to can't help it! I would be a man!
I would try to grope as many in crowded places. Because damn, she is on the road midst so much crowd. These woman are practically asking for it.
I'd be that guy on the bus with my buddies trying to score some. After all, we work hard, toil so much. We deserve some refreshment. I'd gnaw her, bite her, grope her, rape her. I'd vandalize her in as many ways possible. I'd use an iron rod. Because she was on the road with a guy at night. She deserves this. I'd then throw her and her friend and hope they die.
I'd be arrested but what the hell, i'm a minor. I can peacefully watch television and play. They would recognize me on the outside, but in a three years time who will remember.
I would be that guy who would enjoy smoking up in the ruins on Mahalaxmi with my buddies. Hey! who cares about this fucked up world anyways. I'd tie her up and beat her friend. I'd rape her and boast about my masculinity. I'd click pictures and threaten her. She would be never open her mouth.
I would see the news and try to run. I'd be in Jail. I just raped her.
She was asking for it. She was working. I wouldn't be able to control. I'd be let of easy in a few years and put up a tea stall.

So i guess. This evolutionary game tricked us into believing women are important. We should be killed off as soon as we are born. Oh wait! so half of Indians already do that. So awesome, thank  god those female infants died. They might just get raped eventually. Or mentally torchered because clearly it is their fault they were born.

I really wish i was a boy.