un-f0rgettABLE

life was easier when small,
thought id be happier when i grow up,
the innumerable things i wanted to be,
is blown away in smoke ,
as i linger here smoking weed,
happiness didn't like me,
never had a single friend,
never missed them all dat much,
had acquaintances,
but no feeling of belonginess,
ignorance was bliss when small,
lonesomeness didn't hurt that much ,
today im alone as i used to be,
only thing dats changed is that im all grown up.
why he left ,
i do not know,
he must've had his reasons ,
i understand though,
inadequasies gripped our loving souls,
never had let someone be so close before,
maybe dats coz the process was unbearable,
but im sure he'll be happy ,
wherever in the world he chose to be ,
without me.

da man in my life

evirithin bout him is beautiful, his smile,his soft hair , his cute looks, his handsomeness...gosh ...so many pretty thngs ...
he's like da best thng datz happnd to meh ...da best thng ever...cant think of living witout him ...his face is the 1st thng in da mornin i wanna
see evriday , makes my day!!! i love evirithn bout him ...da way he curls his fingers around mine , day way he smiles ...wen i luk at him...da way he cluthes onto to my t-shirt nd da way he makes those cute noises wen i sing to him , i luv carrying him around ....bt i have to be very careful ...he's relly tiny i tell u ....he's my little ball of cutenes..:P:P.i call him rolly-polly lol....coz wen i put him on my lap he turns into a lil ball...his tiny legs get curled up all the way to his head ....he sleeps peacefully wen i sing to him...he has entered my life nd relly turned me into a hapii person....he entered my life n relly changed it ... im much more happier dese days ... wen im out im impatient to return home ....impatient to hold him in my arms ...nd to play wid him ....to luk at his sparkiling lil face ...his eyes r like his mothers.... relly tiny ....nd wen he laughs ....it b'cums tinier ....lol....i luv showerin him wid kisses ....common ....u cant relly resist .....:P....i love his smell....he smells gud all da time...except wen he poops ...err....hehe ....he's da 1st tiny-tot whose diapers i have changed ....common i can do dat much fr my baby ....infact i can do nethn for ...him ...he's my lil angel ..who manages to bring a smile on my face ...netime ....all i hope dat ...he's here to stay ...unlike all dose ....who jus walked away frm ..me ...:| .....u noe idz true dat wen 1 person leaves u ..sum 1 else enters to take his place ....neva believed it till....my armaan/zalmai/jelly-belly/roli-poli/chocolate-chip-cookie ....hehehe lol.....entered my life ....:p....armaan was born on 26th november 2008 ....nd i can't thank ..da heavens enuf for sendin him for me ....:) ....idz lovely thing to watch him grw evriday ...ders sumthn new he does evriday ...his form of love is da purest ...his smile ...is da most genuine-est ...i lovee him nd he's da best .....

being nUn.e
She was a normal girl, evrithing about her was probably relly normal....normal face normal body type ....she wasn't all dat fabulous ......i mean even witout a trace of smile or makeup she was extraordianrily beautiful...bt she deserved a 2nd luk..nd she got dat .................... but not in a way a normal girl gets 2nd looks ...she got it ...only because she was wearing a brown uniform ..she was a nun after all she had to wear it ..like she had to all those innumerable stupid things which she was made to do ...like pray to a structure carved outta wood , it never spoke ..never responded ,never cried ,never laughed .....she was made to bow in frnt of a livingless piece of wood....I dont f***king get it ...! ....wen i was a kid i went to a convent , i hated da nuns , dey treated kids like dey were sum kindda disgrace to humankind...i mean dey're kids....kids r supposed to be loved...!! but no ..fr da nuns kids wer sum kinnda enemies ...i can't say all da nuns were crazy....der were a couple of nice ones .....but now i can relly figure ot y dose odr nuns always had a frown ....da simple reason behind dat is dat dey were (are) living a life ...trying to please odrs ...please human kind ...id makes no sense living a life of chastity ...i mean .....ders no harm in it .....bt wenever i luk at a nun ....id makes me feel sad fr dem in sum way .....like dey're jus nt happy ...wen u wish dem gud mornin ,...dey'll reply wid a smile ....bt da smile is neva genuine ...ders a whole lotta tragedy behing dat .....nd i relly cant get it .how a woman can possibly live witout ahem ....u noe wt im talkin bout ....i mean ...idz next to impossible ...(im not makin dis part up i watched it on discovery....i swear!)...bt ...chuck it i relly don't respect dem dat much neways ...coz ...frankly ...even i waned to b'cum a nun at sum point in my life ....or wud( im crazy bdw).... bt i know if i evrrr waned 2 b'cum a nun dat wud only be if im runnin away frm my responsibilities , my dreams , my friends , running away frm freedom ....most of da young galz bcum nuns coz sum of dem want to , sum are forced , sum r jus like i said running away ... ...well...i was once told ....no nuns r relly innocent ...dey kindda find ways to satisfy demselves....u noe wt i mean again !!...... nw im sho ur wondering ..y ive rittn dis stupid pointless ...blog....der r a numbr of reasons
1. idz almost 2 at night nd im nt sleepy .
2.i feel sad wen i luk at nuns .
3. i cant frget da nun i saw 2 yrs back .
4.ppl keep making stupid..stupid mistakes ....nd no matter hw much u try u just cannot erase dem off.....idz like a paint dats sticks to ur body fr da rest of life ....nd it cant be removed no mattr wt ...nd .....da whole point of my blog is ....all of us like da nuns ....have evil desires ...all da tyme ....bt ...dat dusnt make ur relly bad ..... coz like babu sir says .....ders no right nd no wrong ...!!

new year!!..2009..:P:P

da new year has arrived wid new tings to do ....we all go about making new year resolutions ..nd ...i have mine too ...
1.study ...now i relly have to wid 12th ka monstrous boards on da way...i gotta ...sadly enuf ...i have to score well ..nd get good marks to get into a gud COLLege blablabla nd stuff...odrwise my so called life wud be doomed .. :.....i wish i was just free to run away ,nd to roam da wrld ... :P ...
2.to get up early.. no seriously ...before 1 pm ...(like dats ever gonna happen )...lolz ....hehe ..
3.to paint moe often ....now now ...i don't want my talent to be wasted do i !! .
4.to learn da guitar , k man seriously my guitar is hanged on da wall ...feels like ids starin at me ...makin me feel guilty ..since id covered in dust ..lying dead ...w8tn to be played ...nearing idz death ...gosh!...gotta save it ....b4 id ceases living ... :(..
5.now since i joinin a ngo(at T.T)...to do sumthn worthwhile fr da society...no seriously ...i wud luv to ...
6. to learn a new sport or sumthn ...now i relly need to get my lazy ass do sumthn worthwhile ..i don'ttt wanna get Obesseee...:O ..so ..sum dance form maybe ...no just to get active ....type "A"...remembr ...!! ..no dont wry i relly can't imagine wearing stillettos nd being sqeezed in a tight dress where i luk like tire..nd i dont wanna be paired up wid sum noodle stick luking gay guy ....:P
7.to visit a new place ...nethn ...sum wer ive nevr been b4.:).....sumthn exciting....;)
8.to try nd forgive people...who have caused distress to my lil soul .....nd to kinna frget (like i'll eva be able to do dat ...)...no bt relly to just get ovr all da bitter memories.....:o :(
9.to try nd stay original ...nd not turn into a wannabe emo chick...or a barbie doll...:P...hehe...like dat will ever happn ..;p:P..
10. to be single... lolz....
chal yaar ony 10...enuf nah....as if im gonna change....:P:P

marriages.
wt is a marriage and why do people get married ...when u can totally dte till doom ...create kids ..i ask ...why?? ...deyre f9 as long as deyre tiny and adorable ....den dey grow up and ruin evrithn . wt do we need marriages for .Once you find ur love ..or in case of arranged marriages you find ur match ur desperate to get married ...when its a universal truth that love doesnt last (idz written in da book da road less travelled)....read it to be sure , and about arranged marriages ..well when u cant find a right gal or a guy ..u ask ur parents to pick one ....in case of guys even if u luk like a pig ur paired with a pretty,slim fair,tall ....homely girl...and incase of galz ..ur paired wid a decent non drinking ,non smoking ,fat pay check which lasts long .....wll if ur terribly lucky dan u get a so-called..nice hubby or a nice wifey ..howevr ....in todayz wrld ....da hubby evntually grwz a beer belly ...(nd dude six-pacz r in ) so ....u get bored of him ....nd wifes aftr two 3 kidz shes fat nd has wrinkles ...nd starts lukin ugly . so hereafter da hubby goes fr younger galz if hez rich ...nd da wife...wid da help of her illusionary hardwrkin matez hardearned money is used to lure ...young guyz ..who ready to do nethn fr dat extra cash ....nd thus ...dey hav enuf cash to impress deir ...highny whiney galfrndz .....so ....i find marriages r nuthn but a contract to be togethr ...nd in a terribly ethicz ridden soceity of ourz ..u cannot escape da clutches of marriage without earnin a BAd NAME" ......so ....why sacrifice ur freedom to sumthn stupid like marriage ....when u hav da advantage of live -in relationz ...mayn ..idz .....waaaay cooler dan money spilling idiotic ritualz ...embibed in marriage...so all u mommaz guyz nd galz out der ...who r ...forced by da outdated views of thier parents ,chaccas, chacis...who thnk dat deyre lil gal or boy has grwn up nd needs to get married ...tell dem to fuck off ...coz idz not u whol suffer a grt deal ..idz gonna be ur ...kidz ....who will not know where deyre headed in life ...so plz plz ......dont get married ...nd evn if by chance u do den ....plz.....u need to hav a terribly understndn ...partner and u shud hav brainz too !....to never fight to never divorce ...nd then ...make other people suffer jus coz of ur terribly stupid decision .

love is scary!!

For giving me pain,
For giving me tears,
And for giving me a soulful of fears,
I can only thank you,
For you gave me something!

For ruining my life,
For making my heart strive,
And for killing me wen I was alive,
I can only thank you ,
For u gave me something!

For giving me hate,
For making this my fate,
And for this is my future,
I can only thank you,
For giving me something!

For making me suicidal,
For turning life into hell,
And for this my life,
I can only thank you ,
For you gave me something!


For giving me all this,
I can only thank you ,
For you gave me a lesson ,
That love only gives pain!
And I promise ill never love again!

smug>>

I look at the sky and gaze at the clouds,
So deep, so deep is that for eternity?
I keep wondering,
Then I ask my heart,
That is so deep again so deep,
Which is filled with pain?
What went wrong?
I ask again, is that for the sins I committed?
Or just because god hates me!
A heart full of pain asks again,
Is this supposed to be the end?
And all the time I had no answer,
And thus I decided,
When I die ill ask,
To the man who made eternity,
What went wrong?
Was I not doing my part or did I not work hard!
But till then
My heart would live with a sorrow of losing
But then I heard a wise person say
God has a plan for all of us!
And also me probably!
So when all is lost hope still remains,
And I guess I will live with it.